I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
