Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize