last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
