I think i peed on brittanys purse
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
