its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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