Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
