Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So here I am, sexting at work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
