HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize