i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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