I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
