He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
