69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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