I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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