is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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