You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
