Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
