Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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