I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
