I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
