spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
