Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
