Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
