She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You can't special order awesome
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
