If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
