Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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