last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize