Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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