You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
