By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
