Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
