Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
