The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
