I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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