There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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