stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad is sitting where you rode me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
