I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
