my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
