chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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