I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
