I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
