Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
