Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
