and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How naked do you want me to be?
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