OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
