Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
