Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Randomize
