I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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