Your face is a jimmy john
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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