My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
