burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
