Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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