wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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