I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
