all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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