i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
