"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
