Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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