i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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