4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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