I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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