Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
