i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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