well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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