Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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