oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
