I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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