You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
