I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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