did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
