Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
