all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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