its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
