do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
