I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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