Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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