fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
where am i from again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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