taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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