the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
