Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize