I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
