omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
