Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
