Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
