I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
