My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
