Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize