Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want her autograph on my taint
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
