I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Randomize
