i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize