And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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