Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
