im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
