he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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