So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
