What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize