your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
