Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize