we're blogging at a bar
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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